Friday, October 12, 2007
well, just a short post b4 i go out to celebrate my dear's bday
sigh.. things r really un smooth these days
first, i dun even hav a car to use later... stil cracking my head on that problem
now, im baking cuppiecakes!! but it's like so big ... im worried it might b unsuccesfull T-T sobssss, hope it turn out just nice. nvm of the taste, actually i just want the design to be nice ... hoho !
n i argued wif my dear 2 days straight.. haiz, such sad story. sometimes i wonder, what r we waitin for ? i was sittin at my porch for 2 hours yesterday night, wif my doggie. listenin to endless story, my latest fav song. every cigarette has it's own story, i ended 8. nothing to b proud about, cigarettes doesnt mean anythin to me. no feel, no nothing. just something to hurt myself deeper, to forget, to b blurred.
the day b4 i was so blurred wif the effects of it, until my head was spinning n i felt really ill. like i was going to die, n i wanted to throw up. my dear was really good to me, he bought me kinder bueno choc n ice lemon tea. according to him, he said that sour + sweet will trigger our boday to produce a happy hormone or so. i dunno, im too blurred to understand n remember each n everything. but i know what he said that night is really comforting and assuring. i went to sleep, not soundly, but really suffering. but i was just too tired....
n the next day, never thought things would be this bad. i gues im too busy with all the preparations and everything. hoping everything would be perfect tonight for him. as i really want it to b a succes, but sadly things really dont go on smoothly whn i need them to. my dear is so angry with me... n i feel really sorry for him as he waited in his car for 6 hours outside my house. im too blurred perhaps...
i really hope this birthday will be a happy one for him. i truly hope so...
and hope everything goes on as planned...
of course, wishing that he would love the present i chose for him !
baby happy birthday ...
lurve u alwayz,
kire
p/s : my heart stil hurts badly
Y6:12 PM