Saturday, October 27, 2007
yesterday wasn't a really good night
nothing went smooth
wanted to discuss sth n started talking
NICELY!
but somehow, ended with shouting at each other
i hate it when people shout at me
i dont think they respect me though
y cant u just be gentle n talk out everything nicely?
no shouting no threatening or this kinda stuff
haizzz n thn i accidentally said sth coz i was too angry of someone shouting at me
so he went out of d car! considered i threw him out of d car - -
n thn he din wanna pick my phone or reply my sms
so i went looking for him by foot around the place ...
no sign ~
drive drive drive
cal cal cal
ok~ some trace of him ...
sit there wait ... k saw him
threw me a cold look.... GO HOME LA !
at that moment, i was really stunned n dunno what to do
before that i was shouted at
n thn, ignore my phone calls n sms-es
now finally found him he ask me to go home, n not even looking at me till 5 secs
n he drove off
yeah ! just like that ~
i was like stunned + heartbroken + angry + frustrated + watever sux feeling is there
walk to my car , n my tears just flow ~
cry n cry n cry, cant stop it ....
nvr cried so hard for a long time since ....
n thn his friend come up n ask me what's wrong, said " he ask u to go home ? "
i cant control.... i cant talk... i just tell him " just go "
what to say ? i cant think properly or even see properly
my vision was blur ... after crying for ten minutes or so in the car
i finally drove off...
really lucky to not hav an accident on that night
i just didnt care on wats happening around me ... i just cried n cried in my car
n accelerate... like the world is meaningless...
bcos nothing seems to make sense to me at the moment
i dunno why this r all happening
n now , after almost 24 hours after the case happen
a feeling of insecurity surrounds me
i know i will never be good enough
as there is already someone better than me
with all these things happening between us
will we last long ?
what if one day he gets bored with it ?
what if one day the love is suddenly gone ?
what if one day he decides not to continue anymore?
what if one day he thinks this is all not worth it?
what if one day
she becomes more important than me ?
will that one day come ?
or is it happening now ... without my knowledge
its frustrating to know, that u are not the only one
n its even frustrating to know, that the gap between us is getting bigger n bigger
when will we learn how to compromise
when will we learn how to think before we talk
when will we learn how to care about each other's feeling
when will we learn how to appreciate
when will we know the importance of our significant other
when will we learn to give more than to take
when will we learn to talk nicely to each other
when will we start planning for our future
when will we start considering to change ourselves to the better
when will one of us willing to make a move first to say sorry?
i wonder
what will become of us ......
sad and lonely,
kire
Y12:45 AM